Yes, Alex, you ARE special. The GOOD kind.

In Port Saint Lucie, Florida, a five year old boy was voted out of his Kindergarten class by his classmates and a truly deploarable excuse for a teacher.

This teacher had the students tell Alex Barton, age FIVE, exactly what they dislike about him. Alex is being evaluated for Asperger Syndrome and has since this spring. Diagnosis, though, isn't what matters here.

What matters is that this so called teacher acted in a thoroughly detestable manner towards a child. This is hateful, builds stigma, and builds hate. Not acceptable. If you can't handle kindergarteners you shouldn't teach kindergarten. It is really that simple. Spreading the idea that it's ok to treat others like garbage just makes it all the worse. She has no business working with kids if she cannot control herself. Adults who bully small children are lower than people who kick puppies, and those people are pretty low.

Alex, honey (I work with kids, that's my excuse for the language!), this is for you:

Special isn't a bad word. Once upon a time, special was a good word. It meant there was something about you that was wonderful, exciting, unique, and different in a really cool way. You are a wonderful kid, just because you are YOU. You are doing your best, and everyone knows that. You didn't deserve what your teacher and the other kids in your class did. They were WRONG. It was mean, it was bullying, and if the world is at all fair something will be done about it. A whole lot of people are making a big fuss with the school and the news just for you, right now, so that never happens to you or any other kid ever again.

And to the 2 kids who voted that Alex should stay in his class:

GOOD FOR YOU. And good for your PARENTS. It's sad that kids who try to understand their classmates are so rare, but it's really great that you stood up to your classmates for Alex. Parents of these 2 kids, give them a hug. A big one.

To the school board where this atrocity took place:

If you don't see something wrong with this and remove this teacher immediately, you really have no business having any say in the formative years of any child. School is not a reality show. Kindergarteners should not have PTSD and especially not from their teachers.

What Parents Of Autistic Kids Can Do

As a response to my inaugural posting on this blog, one reader suggested that, in addition to calling out the misdeeds of many parents, I or Kassiane should tell parents of autistic children what they can do to positively impact their children's lives. I thought this sounded like a pretty good idea, so this is my own modest attempt. This list is certain to be incomplete as I am sure I will leave more than a few valuable suggestions out.

1. Allow your child to be autistic. I'm not crazy about the wording on this one because it really isn't the parent's right to say whether or not the child is "allowed" to be autistic any more than it's the parent's right to decide whether or not the child is "allowed" to be gay; perhaps "accept" would be a better word. The meaning here is fairly simple: no 40 hours of ABA to establish eye contact, no attempts to guilt or punish your child for unusual behavior, and under no circumstances is it acceptable to declare to a mass audience that you resent your child coming into your life or have ever felt a desire to harm them.
2. Second-guess the specialists. Some of the worse abusive mistreatment (and outright evil torture) of autistics comes at the hands of so-called experts in the field. The lessons of the Milgram and Stanford Prison experiments (it's up to you to look those up if you don't already know) apply doubly, tripley, and quadrupley more so than usual when the individual is autistic or otherwise unusual. Literally anything, without exception, will be justified in the name of making your child appear normal (which they believe is the same as making the child actually normal), and thanks to "right to treatment" and parental rights laws, your child has zero power to object to anything that is done to them, unless you say no for them. Question everything the specialists tell you and then, after they answer your questions, question their answers, and don't be afraid to yank your child out of their "loving care" in a heartbeat, or to press civil or even criminal charges when and if they apply.
3. Teach self advocacy. Autistics are often so beaten down by society at large that we have a hard time asking for things that most people would consider a right. It is therefore the responsibility of the parent to teach an autistic child that they have an absolute, unquestionable right to advocate for their own well being and their own wants and needs. Listen to what they communicate to you (remembering that behavior is communication), and respond appropriately. Also don't tolerate the refusal of others to ignore your child's efforts at self advocacy.
4. For the love of Raptor Jesus, plan for the future. Your autistic child won't be a child forever, and thanks to the wrong kind of advocacy many of the social services are parent-and-child oriented. This leaves many autistic adults with nothing to fall back on when they turn 18 and far too often the only available options are extended guardianship (in which we invariably have limited autonomy) or the streets. Put something aside, set up a trust fund, do whatever is within your power to assure that your child can have an independent adult life without becoming homeless.

For the umpteenth time, I don't hate parents.

Seriously. I get sick of this. Yet I have to say it again and again and again, and I'm supposed to be the one with the receptive language problem. What gives?

I.
Don't.
Hate.
Parents.
Just.
Because.
They're.
Parents.

Are there people whom I cannot stand because their views on many things are frankly disgusting, as are their approaches to things, and they happen to be parents? Yes, there are. But my distaste for these individuals isn't because they're parents, I may just know about it because we have come into contact because of their parenthood. But--IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PARENTHOOD.

Seriously. Parents of autistic kids, or for that matter siblings of autistic kids, are not being persecuted by nasty auties who can't seperate them from our own families. Yes, my family is epically shitty. I can tell the difference between my epically shitty and dysfunctional family and other dysfunctions pretty easily, even over the internet. If I dislike you, or-as is more likely, your approach-I am perfectly capable of disliking it on it's own merits or lack thereof. It has nothing to do with MY family, it has to do with other philosophies. Just trust me when I say that if something relating to those particular issues hit a message board or blog, I wouldn't be posting my opinion, I'd be calling CPS.

I'm friends with several parents of autistic kids. But the thing is--to these friends I am not a universal translator, or someone who can help them make their kid more...whatever, I am a friend. I am a friend who can be a royal asshat sometimes, silly sometimes, have a bad day, has a serious sarcasm infusion, and just IS. I am not that girl who has what little Trevor has so let's see if she can philosophically balance autism sucks and autism is who you are yay woohoo! Having a token autistic friend is kind of like having a token minority friend, if you think about it it's very tacky.

And yes, I am sarcastic. I am sarcastic a LOT. No, being nice doesn't help. Being nice gets me walked over or it makes people think I am a push-over or even less tough than I look and then they think they can verbally or physically attack me. Yes, sarcasm does in fact make me feel better. You'd be sarcastic too if you were me.

But no, I don't hate parents, except the ones who have specifically earned it, and I do resent being accused of such. When and if this policy changes, I'll be sure to send out a press release.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Autism Specialist

Welcome to my office Mr. and Mrs. Doe. I am Dr. Generic, PhD. It is a good thing you came to me as soon as you did; one moment more and it would have been too late to do anything. Before I begin there are a few things you need to understand about your newly diagnosed child.
The first thing you must understand is that everything is about you. This is contrary to what most parents have been taught about raising a child, however most parents have a proper child and not an autistic freak. Make no mistake: your child, by the virtue of existing and of being autistic, has robbed you of your life and dignity. You are a real person, with empathy and real feelings. Your child is an empty shell without capacity for empathy and most likely without a mind. Therefore you, as a caring human being, should think of your child only in terms of how you are affected. Please note that this only applies to your autistic child; if you have any proper children who aren’t diseased, they still come first.

The second thing you must understand is a long list of things your child will never do. Your child will never go to college, never hold down a job, never get married. Any fairy tales you hear of autistics doing every one of these things should be disregarded immediately. If your child ever does manage to keep a job, it will never be anything more than flipping hamburgers. In all likelihood your child will spend its entire so-called life in diapers, unable to speak or feed itself. This is a tragedy, for you.

The third thing you must understand is that, because your child is an empty shell and a train wreck, literally anything you or others do to it is justified. We call your child “it” because that is exactly what it is, a thing. Real children talk to and play with the other children; your child doesn’t. Therefore your child is not a real child. You may drag your child to a practitioner of any kind of supposed treatment, possibly causing it to lose a kidney in the process if not more, and not worry about legal consequences. Treatments may be performed on your child, which would be considered a human rights violation if they were done to real people, and neither you nor the practitioner will be ever held accountable. Feel free to use your child as an outlet for your rage about any disappointments you have in your own life. You may harbor thoughts of ending the so-called life of your child and should feel free to express these desires openly; you shall be praised, possibly even paid a salary, for doing so. You may even act on these thoughts with few if any consequences. Laws exist to protect real people only.

The fourth thing you must understand is not to be fooled by what seems like a functioning mind in your child. If your child is ever good at anything, even better than other children or adults, you must understand that those are simply splinter skills and are in all likelihood irrelevant. The most dangerous possibility is that your child may some day wish to express an opinion concerning its own situation. This behavior must be discouraged wherever it is found.
The fifth and final thing you must understand is that the only way your child will ever grow in any way whatsoever is through the treatments prescribed by myself and any other self-proclaimed autism specialists, designed to make it more normal and possibly even turn it into a real person. Some of us use chemicals and diets to try to turn that thing into a real child, though most of us don’t agree with that. Most of us believe in behavior modifications where, if your child successfully behaves like other children and represses all autistic behaviors, it will receive a cookie. If your child fails to behave like a real person we have several creative forms of motivation at our disposal. Any research on the necessity of certain behaviors to the well-being of autistics, and the harmful consequences of forced normalcy, should be ignored. Your child has no mind and therefore needs nothing.

Welcome to the exciting world of owning a broken toy.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. Generic, PhD.

I can has help! yay.

I don't blog quite as often as I'd like, what with real life happening and executive functioning problems, and with my perfectionism thing-namely if I put something out there I want it to be at least half decent and well thought out. Because of this a friend of mine to whom I had offered bandwidth on the main Rettdevil site is going to be putting some essays here. He'll be using the pen name Gen Eric (ha. ha. Bad puns 'R us) for blogging purposes.

So if something doesn't sound like me, chances are pretty good it isn't. Our views are pretty similar, but our ways of stating things can be awfully different at times. So no, you aren't losing it, someone else is using my blog space, and yes he has permission.

We are Kathleen.

As though this isn't posted about in 10.5million other places, my turn.

Kathleen Seidel got a truly awsomely ridiculous subpoena in which the Reverend Lisa Sykes and her skeezeball of a lawyer wish to know anything and everything about Kathleen and, apparently, everyone on her blogroll.

I for one will not stand down. This is an absurd violation of everyone's rights. Lisa Sykes, you will not get away with this. Your child isn't mercury poisoned, but your heart is made sour with the poison of hate. Step down from the pulpit, for you are the bad apple in the barrel that is souring the rest. Hate begets hate.

That's right, I said it. Jesus doesn't LIKE retaliatory subpoenas.

Now, a la DoC, I will fully disclose as well. Note that this is my own free choice. Legal bullying just makes you look small, petty, and weak, Shoemaker & Sykes. Petty in particular.

I do not work for neurodiversity.com.
I do not work with neurodiveristy.com.
I've worked with ASAN, an autistic advocacy group. I'm autistic.
On that same vein, I have spoken for autism conferences, the vast majority of which were unpaid or expenses only.
The previous 2 points fall into the category of "get over it".

I met Kathleen at a conference. If she took notes, that means she can write with her hair or some other such nonsense. We ate meals in the same place at the same time, and were generally social. Kathleen is as smart and funny in person as she is online and I am honored to be able to call her friend, and to be on the same "side" since certain parties are hellbent on making everything into a war.

I do not work in medicine, law, pharmaceuticals, what have you.

Today, I am Kathleen

Some things to keep in mind during autism "awareness" month.

Ah April, the true cruelest month, at least if you are autistic or sympathetic towards autistics and what we really think. "Autism Awareness Month", they call it. Awareness of what? It seems more and more to be awareness that many parents feel cheated because they didn't get the typical or supertypical child they feel they so richly deserved, a month of awareness of how the PARENTS feel they suffer, a month of awareness of all the things they are putting the child through to put themselves out of their misery. Quackery awareness month, even, but of course no one will come out and call a spade an effing shovel because autistic people don't count in this society. That's right, it's a f*ing shovel.

With that in mind in this vomitous puzzle piece bedecked month, here are some things to keep in mind if you intend to "do something for awareness" or are bombarded by people who are (or are asking you why you aren't):

1. "Awareness" is not the same thing as information. I can get 10,000 people to wear a puzzle ribbon pretty easily but that doesn't mean they know a blessed thing about autism. "Awareness" is crap.

2. "Awareness" is a vague goal, in addition to being crap. Awareness of what? Awareness of what autism IS? No, no one exactly knows and that's too much like information. Awareness that adults need services too? No, we don't look cute on their posters. Awareness that autism is more than just people smearing shit and banging their heads? No, that makes us sound too much like people. Awareness that many parents think that ohnoesvaxxeenzeetbabeez and they need to follow their GooglePhD protocol to rescue them and need YOUR MONEY to do it? That particular faction shouts the loudest. Note how few autistic people are served by "awareness".

3. Please be AWARE that autistic people are just that, PEOPLE. We don't need the dehumanization that nearly invariably comes with the "human interest" stories. Even if we don't talk, we can hear and pick up on the attitude that exudes from these pieces.

4. Please also be AWARE that we are AWARE of autism year round, and thus don't necessarily feel the need to do more than we do every day-namely, being ourselves. Conversely, if other people happen to notice us being ourselves more during April, that isn't necessarily us "acting out", but so called awareness making people more aware or self conscious or whatever. The rest of the world can suck it up and deal.

5. Consider that we may not want to read every article on autism, go to every (or even ANY) autism event, or watch every program. See dehumanizing, above. This holds especially true for anti cure folks and those of us who have more than had our fill of the dehumanizing vomitous pity party garbage.

6. Be AWARE of not just the "valiant struggling parents", but also the children and adults who are doing well, the ones who aren't doing well, and the ones who are doing what THEY consider well and are happy.

7. Be especially AWARE of the autistics who's parents, caregivers, and others bought into their own self pity and have done terrible, often irreversible things to them. NEVER EVER forget those who are no longer with us, for the crime of being autistic.

I really hate Autism Awareness Month. For my part, I will be being myself and perhaps breaking out a couple of my more pointed neurodiversity shirts. That's about it. I don't do big bursts of awareness.